To be surprised is, “to encounter suddenly or unexpectedly.” I think the feeling of being surprised is usually a personal experience because your own personal fears and feelings come in to play and can determine what your reaction is. In other words, one person may not be as surprised by say, a spider, as another person. Of course there are monumental surprises, things that won’t cease to surprise any individual except perhaps the inhabitant of a coffin. The moments in this short list are both personal and monumental. For example I am personally not exactly “surprised” that Emo music won’t end, just annoyed, and maybe appalled at the hype in general. Obama becoming president was a surprise because in the beginning of the election he had many factors going against him, his race, the fact that he was fairly unknown and his name. CWG magazine’s biggest “surprises” and annoyances of the decade are as follows…

1. The death of Michael Jackson. The King of Pop died at an unexpected time, though it was widely accepted and known that Michael was frail and strange, it was not an expected time for him to die. Honestly no moment would have been “expected,” unless he had died in his 80′s or 90′s. To me those are years of expected death. To die at 50 is fairly surprising, even in his frighteningly small and pale physical form pre-death.The other factor of surprise here is that Michael Jackson was a huge huge icon, probably one of the most famous people to die, ever. Only the death of a president or of Madonna herself could cause such a panic. It’s actually a little sad that the death of someone like Michael Jackson is a million times more noticed than if someone like say, Jane Goodall, died. Not that Michael Jackson’s life wasn’t worth paying attention to. I just mean in the grand scheme of things what is more important? Learning about all aspects of our closest living genetic relatives in nature, or listening to catchy songs?

Michael Jackson will be remembered regardless of my Jane Goodall rants, because he was a very interesting person. He was the first African-American singer to gain massive crossover appeal and he changed the way the industry thought about how to make and market a CD. His discography is ridiculously good and I can’t imagine anyone not being able to find at least one song of Jackson’s that makes them want to dance or sing. His career spans over not only this decade but last decade and the decade before that. His life and death are to be remembered forever.

2. Obama is elected president. A moment in history, our first black president. The relatively youthful and surprisingly calm Barack Obama became president on January 20th of 2009. With that crazy gunslinger Sarah Palin ruining John Mccain’s campaign with every growing moment, nobody but Obama really stood a chance in the end. My surprise mainly comes from my knowledge and awareness of racism in our country. I feel that a lot of older people think racism is basically over, except for a few straggler racists in the South. This is obviously due to them being around before integration and witnessing Martin Luther King overcoming huge obstacles for African-Americans. Though everything is obviously immensely better compared to times of slavery and “whites-only” establishments, people need to remember that hate crimes are still being committed frequently. There are still people who would openly degrade their fellow man or woman due to skin color. I’ve seen it happen, especially since I grew up in a school full of redneck farmer’s sons and knocked-up bigot chicks with rosacea.These facts come into heavy consideration when my lingering thoughts fall onto Barack Obama’s nomination.

While it’s great to know there were enough people to vote him in who don’t care about race, it’s important to think what this actually means for him as president. Nothing. He’s just a person, he personally isn’t any kind of hero or history-maker. Only the actual fact that he was nominated is historical or “surprising.” So far he has yet to prove himself. I’m sticking with my story that Bill Clinton was the best president of our time.

3. Prop. 8 passes in California. Like my previous speech on racism still being prevalent, I have a medium-sized speech to give on Proposition 8. Proposition 8 made it so that “Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognized in California.” Most of what I’ve read of people’s reasons for voting yes on Prop. 8 makes utterly no sense. It’s 100 percent just the idea that marriage is “sacred.” Can I please just ask them one question, how is it affecting you if a man and a man or a woman and a woman get married? So you don’t like gay people, for unknown reasons? Just because? Well fine but do you know both people in every straight marriage ever? Clearly not, and I wouldn’t assume that anyone would claim to know all straight people in marriages. My question is what if one of those people is a huge asshole? Or someone that just doesn’t fit your moral standards? It’s still okay for them to get married right? Yes. Because you don’t know them! And nothing they do affects you. Well that’s how it is with gay marriage, if you hate gay people, but you also hate immoral straight people, why can’t they all just get married?

It doesn’t help that Obama doesn’t support gay marriage, it’s really unhelpful in fact. Exit polls even show that a lot of the people who voted for Obama also voted yes on Proposition 8. Which makes perfect sense, since Obama feels the same way. I’ve read things on Christian websites like, “The fate of marriage across America depends upon California’s Proposition 8.” Who taught you to be so dramatic? Snagglepuss? Naaaa, cause he’s gay right? How fitting. Do these people feel that this great idea we have of marriage will go to hell if Prop. 8 fails? Possible divorce regardless of orientation? Arguing? Potential domestic violence? Please. How can Christians act like everything is perfect in marriage. That leads me to believe that these fundamentalists see nothing wrong with the world at all. Nothing that actually does matter. Whoever wrote that is an ignorant hypocritical ignoramus. I always did like the word “ignoramus” because it sounds like a description for an enormous anus, which is quite fitting for anyone who voted yes on Prop. 8.

4. Emo won’t go away. Every time I go to a movie or to the mall or to a concert, regardless of what kind of concert it is, I am reminded of how many Emo people there are in the world. With their lack of genitalia due to their form-fitting woman pants and their eyeliner and their disgusting music. The music isn’t even my main concern because I can easily avoid listening to it. It’s this attitude, these clothes, these people. Male or female, it doesn’t even matter, you’re confused I know. You never learned what real music was. It’s not your fault. Stupidity, also, can be blamed on parenting or circumstance but the actual choice to be a huge fan of a band like From First To Last or The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus is actually unforgivable. Not that I couldn’t easily befriend someone who loved all Emo music, just when it came to picking music I might have to knock them out before letting them choose a CD. This is the one thing I am confident of, I can choose a better CD and I know more variety than most major Emo fans. Emo is simply a form of the Pop/Rock genre, so it gives their fans, at times, some strange idea that their music is “Punk” or “Hardcore” or even “Goth.” Also there is some sort of bizarre misconception that dressing in Emo clothing is rebellious and unique, well my count is that it is in fact, completely boring and common. Like Tyler Durden said in Fight Club, “You are not a beautiful or unique snowflake. You are the same decaying organic matter as everything else.”

Not all Emo music is bad. My Chemical Romance are quite good, as well as Paramore and AFI. See? I’m not completely unforgiving. But, a note to any Emo people who may run into to me randomly… Please point your tufts of greasy black hair some other direction, I can smell your feelings and your insecurities and your sweaty disgusting ass that’s been confined to that same pair of tiny jeans for so long.

5. Nickleback still has fans. Dear Nickleback fans, you’re a million times worse than the Emo fans! And the Coldplay fans! For some reason, Nickleback, those disgraces to Canada, are still a popular band. I credit it to the possible trading of souls in exchange for mass record sales, but again, it’s probably just stupidity in motion. And I don’t care what anyone says, there are wrong opinions, even some of mine I may eventually change. I will never change the opinion that Nickleback is a terrible band. The one good thing I can say about certain Nickleback fans is that they certainly are tough people, to listen to such an awful band and still admit it and never back down is quite admirable. Reminds me of the fact that I’m a Britney Spears fan. I have no ridiculous notions that Britney Spears is some amazing talent, her songs are catchy and fun and she is obviously being helped by many other people, people who make her sound better with their vocoders and decent song writing abilities. Nickleback fans seem to think that Nickleback actually rocks. Their last CD was number one on many charts as well as their previous albums, several of which went platinum, so I can’t doubt their success. It’s just a bit surprising that they are still going strong.

Nickleback’s lead singer, Chad Kroeger looks like he drinks from a toilet bowl. His voice is pure tedious ball-dropping curly blonde-haired redneck poodle crap. Their popularity reminds me of Matchbox Twenty’s run from 1996 to 2001. Hopefully, like Matchbox Twenty, Nickleback’s contract with Satan will soon come to a halt.