CWG Magazine » Pop Section

The Beatles Lied

Ashley Morgan — Thu, 11 Feb 2010 18:53:39 +0000

The trials and tribulations of my pretty much normal love life can get a little monotonous. But my friends and their love lives are exponentially more interesting than mine.

My friend has just recently broken up with her girlfriend, which surprised us all, since within the first 10 minutes with them you’ll feel how much love they have for each other. Not only that but they want to be with each other. Plus they wear the same size. They’ve basically doubled their wardrobe (…maybe I should consider being a lesbian.) But they’ve broken up because for some reason, even though they love each other, they just can’t work.

My other friends just broke up too. They were different. They had been together for about 3 years but had just begun doing the long distance thing. It’s been about 9 months and they just ended it. They both admit they’re still in love with each other, but they just can’t be together.

After hearing about these two break ups, I realized you need more than just love to make a relationship work.

I’m trying to help my friend get through this particularly difficult break up, trying to find the words to comfort my friend who just can’t be with the one she loves and it got me thinking.

What else, other than love, do you need to make a relationship work?

Well there’s respect. No good relationship can exist without it. Then there’s acceptance of who the other person is. Of course, a certain amount of attraction is necessary for a successful relationship. And most importantly, there has to be chemistry.

But sometimes you can have love, respect, acceptance etc. and it still doesn’t work. What is that unnamable essence that makes some relationships last forever and others fail miserably?

Is it something tangible that you can put your finger on? Or is it more like a feeling or a weird indefinable force that brings people together?

Love + X = happy relationship.

If that’s the case, is there any hope for us? Is a happy and loving relationship just a chance occurrence? Or is there a way we can beat the system?

I tend to think that part of that X factor is both parties wanting the relationship to work. In the recent demise of the two relationships I just witnessed, one party didn’t want it bad enough. Just love doesn’t cut it. Relationships are difficult.

But it’s good to know that relationships are partially in your control. It’s good to know we kind of control our own destiny. And it’s good to know that if you try hard enough in your relationship and it still fails, you can blame it completely on your ex.

I’m Over It

Ashley Morgan — Wed, 10 Feb 2010 18:51:17 +0000

A few days ago, I had a life-altering, earth-shattering feeling.

Dissatisfaction. Supreme dissatisfaction.

The other day, on our 22-month anniversary (yes, I count the months. I know, I know…) I realized that from now until one of us moves out, I’ll be away from my boyfriend longer than I’ve been with him.

We’re officially a legitimate long distance couple.

The past 9 months, I’ve been under the deluded idea that we’re only temporarily long distance. But I can’t hide from the facts now.

That disillusioned notion is what made it possible for me to withstand this distance. “It’s only temporary,” I’d tell myself, lonely in bed. “You’ll be together soon,” I said reassuringly when I’d see couples together on dates.

But the cold, harsh reality is, I am in a relationship where we have to schedule dates, even intimacy. I’m in a relationship where we have to weigh the cost versus the need to see each other. I am in a relationship where about 87% of the year, I’m alone. I am in a relationship that is so hard that 2 of our long distance couple friends have recently dissolved under the pressure.

All of this hit me suddenly, like the feeling you get when you wake up startled in the middle of the night.

And I was fed up.

Why should we do this to ourselves? Why put ourselves through the constant torture of missing someone you love so much? We’re young. We should be out having the time of our lives. Not drunk dialing each other, crying about how much we miss each other. Okay, maybe I’m the only one who does that, but he has to receive those calls every weekend (and some weekday) nights. That can’t be an enjoyable experience.

When I go out with my friends, I feel single. If I get any interested nibbles, I have to throw my catch back. Which I’d be more okay with if I had someone to go home to other than a very excitable, not very potty trained Maltese. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I just don’t want to be alone anymore.

So in my misery-filled, self pity party, I considered the unthinkable: life without him.

What if we just ended it? We’d be able to lead our lives without an anchor weighing us down. We wouldn’t wake up everyday looking for the other person next to us in bed. We wouldn’t see couples in the mall and have the jealous urge to stab them. (I mean, maybe we would. Some of those couples are just gross.)

But then, just like that, the self pity stopped and I realized that living with this constant longing is much more bearable than even picturing my life without him. I guess that guy Tennyson was right. It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Then again, I’m more of a student of Alicia Keys.

“I just want you close where you can stay forever…”

I’m With The Band

Ashley Morgan — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 16:55:13 +0000

Literally. No, I’m not a groupie. My boyfriend has been in a band for as long as we’ve been together. Dating the drummer in a band has its perks. I’m introduced to a whole different group of people and I get into their house parties for free. However I also get the pleasure of being blown off for band practice, expected to know every lyric to every song, and of course there’s always the band groupies.

They haven’t hit the big time yet. So the groupies aren’t out of control at the moment. But dating a guy in even an obscure band (sorry sweetie!) comes with its fair share of issues.

I’m pretty supportive of the band. At parties, I bring the boys their beer so we can have an uninterrupted jam session. I generally tolerate the band practices that sometimes disturb my nights with him. And when it comes to being his number one fan…well, no groupie has anything on me.

But a lot of the time, I wonder about the band. His other woman. His other love. How can I compete with her? She’s always there for him. She’s not rude to him when she’s had a bad day. She doesn’t drunk dial him on weekends. She’s his constant comfort.

My fear is intense and selfish. I wonder all the time. Silently of course, but the nagging grows everyday. It’s a masochistic question, one I hope I never ask after too many cocktails. But one day it might slip out.

Who’s more important? Me or the band?

It’s hard to say sometimes. I’ll never know for sure. But maybe it’s not a linear list. It could be an ever-changing thing…like a relationship Twitter feed. One day, I could be number one. Another day, like my 21st birthday last year that was spent at a gig, she could be it. I suppose it’s unfair to want to be number one in his life. We’re not married. Nor are we anywhere near close to it. But a band is a big commitment, just like a relationship. And I’d like to think I was his most important one.

But then I started thinking about my important relationships. My family, my friends, my dog, myself. Are they always second to him? Of course not. My relationship Twitter feed changes from day to day and need to need. So why shouldn’t the same hold true for him? He just has an extra relationship on his list. It’s just this relationship comes with drunken band mates and screaming obnoxious girls. But hey, he puts up with my close and personal relationship with spicy tuna rolls. We all have to make sacrifices.

Oh The Places You’ll Stay

Ashley Morgan — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 16:55:06 +0000

The other day my friend and I were bored so we checked out the children’s section in Borders. We had a lot of fun reminiscing through books like “Madeline” and “Curious George.” Then we came to Dr. Seuss and all of his wondrous contributions to our childhood. My friend pulled out “Oh, the Places You’ll Go,” which, thanks to my vast knowledge of useless trivia, I know, was written for graduates. Being pretty recent college grads, we decided to break it open and take a gander. Who knew it’d be even more poignant than “Green Eggs and Ham?”

“The Waiting Place…for people just waiting. Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting. Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.”

It was then I realized, I’ve taken up permanent residence in the waiting place. I still live at home because I can’t afford to live on my own. I’m no longer in school. I’m just waiting for my life to start. And I’m not the only one.

My friends are all back home from school. My single friends hate being home with only the same guys from high school to choose from at our one local bar. My coupled friends hate that they’re away from their boyfriends.

My boyfriend is doing the same thing. We’re all just waiting for the catalyst in our lives. The problem is, what does that mean for us? Is our relationship in the waiting place too?

I guess nobody really knows where their relationships are going. But they have an idea. I have no idea what’s coming up next for us. Don’t get me wrong, it’s good. I foresee no problems on the horizon. But that’s because I can’t see anything! Will we be moving in together? Will we just move closer to each other? Is this really going anywhere or are we just stuck in the waiting room together?

To be frank, the waiting room sucks. It sucks waiting for a job, it sucks living at home and it really sucks waiting to see where my relationship is headed. I know I should just put on my blinders and just see where life takes us but it’d be great to have some insight into our future. Especially since in every other facet of my life, the future is hazy at best.

For now, the waiting place is all I can see. But it’s nice to have someone sitting next to you, looking forward to your name to be called.

Quit Playing Games With My Heart

Ashley Morgan — Wed, 13 Jan 2010 16:12:23 +0000

When we were little, it was Uno. In high school, it was note passing. In college, it was Facebook poking. Now, its flirty ambiguous texts.

Can’t we just grow up? Honestly, we’re all adults. Let’s stop it with the game playing. I happen to be pretty much out of the game playing stage seeing as we’re coming up on the 2-year mark. All our cards are on the table. But I have some friends who are hardcore in the game playing stage of their relationships and they’re asking for advice. And I don’t know what to say.

To be honest, I’ve never been a good game player. I even suck at Guess Who. However, is game playing a necessary art? Is the fine-tuned finagling really just the 21st century version of courtship?

When I stop to think about it, I’ve never received a love note. I’ve never been written a love song. I can’t recall one bouquet of flowers ever sent to me (Wow, my boyfriend sucks!). But I do remember the agonizing over text wording, the scrutinizing of his actions, and the ever so popular “play-the-radio-loud-so-it-sounds-like-you’re-doing-something-when-he-calls-when-in-reality-you’re-just-sitting-in-bed-willing-him-to-call” routine.

“Will I c U 2nite?”
“Wanna meet up?”
“im @ 14th & 1st. Come here.”
“im @ 15th & irving. Come here!”

Yes, yes, we’re all guilty of it. But it’s necessary. We don’t want to seem too eager or too standoffish. We have to gauge our level of interest and his. And the games can be fun…once they’re over and you get the guy.

But maybe we all need that rush or tummy flutter to see if this guy will be worth it. Think about it. The guys that we don’t care for we don’t bother to play games with. If the games we play are the litmus test of the relationship’s possibility, maybe we shouldn’t resent them so much. Maybe they’re saving us a lot of time and heartache. I guess my advice is to be grateful for the games for weeding out the freaks from our lives. Or perhaps, they’re a waste of time that will only put us one step closer to spinsterhood.

Spoiling Something Sweet

Ashley Morgan — Tue, 12 Jan 2010 16:12:14 +0000

My friends have shit luck with boyfriends.

One was dicked over for 2 years by an alcoholic narcissist who cheated on her more times than any of us can count. Another one is consistently used as gateway to the rest of the group. One has had multiple guys running for the hills when she mentions she’s a virgin, and finally one had the love of her life dump her for a guy.

This has not left them optimistic when it comes to love and relationships and rightfully so. But it’s a source of difficulty for me. When we’re all sitting around a cheesecake and a box of wine venting about boys, I’m left out. Even when I join in, no matter what I say, I ultimately get the response “At least you have a boyfriend.”

The problem is even though I can’t contribute to the man problems, I still listen and a lot seeps in.

My friends and I are very similar. They’re funny, beautiful, and smart (and we’re all really modest!). I don’t understand why they have such bad luck in love. Which gets me thinking, what’s the difference between us? Why don’t I have the same bad luck that they have? Could it be that I’m just insanely lucky? Or should I be waiting for the jerk in my boyfriend to emerge? If it happened to my friends, will it happen to me?

Being long distance, my boyfriend and I have a mildly intense commute to see each other but due to schedules and transportation availability, a lot of the times I wind up doing the traveling. My more cynical friends say I’m whipped just like they used to be. Before their relationships ended like the apocalypse. Before their hearts were broken.

Maybe I’m just lucky. Maybe I skipped over the jerks and found the last good guy in the world. Or maybe I should crack open the cheesecake and get a head start.

But the thing is, you can’t live life waiting for someone to hurt you. If we listened to every scorned woman out there, relationships as a whole would be doomed. I can’t sabotage my relationship waiting for him to screw up. But if he does, the Franzia will be pouring and the girls will be commiserating with me about that douchebag that broke my heart.

Boyfriend’s Friends

Ashley Morgan — Thu, 07 Jan 2010 16:47:40 +0000

When you date a guy, you ultimately inherit a new family and most of the time, new friends. Interacting with them is a crucial part of your relationship. If you can get along with them, he’ll be putty in your hands. No guy can resist a girl who gets along with his friends. There are a few friend stereotypes that one will eventually encounter.

Frank The Flirty Friend

Frank is really nice. Frank always makes you feel included when you hang out with his guys. Frank is…a little too nice. He’s overly touchy and a little suggestive. It’s more than a little inappropriate.

Frank is probably the ladies man of the group. He’s the one that has the crazy stories about the time he had sex in the dorm elevator with some girl he just met. Being that guy, Frank has little to no interaction with women who he’s not trying to have sex with. He’s usually harmless, but if he’s making you very uncomfortable, say something to your boyfriend. Chances are he’s already noticed it and said something himself.

Dominic The Dick

Ultimately, you’ll meet a friend who is just a plain asshole. He’s always drunk. He convinces your boyfriend to do stupid things. And he may not be the nicest guy to you.

The thing with Dominic is, he’s used to being the center of attention. Probably because he puts himself there by doing things like flashing his junk and getting kicked out of bars. You threaten his placement as center of attention in your boyfriend’s world. Fortunately, getting along with Dominic is pretty simple. Channel your inner frat boy and challenge him to stupid bets. Tell him to chug that can of spray cheese, or a gallon of milk, and other things that will make him feel like the world of douchebaggery revolves around him.

Sean The Shy Guy
No matter what you do to try and connect with Sean, he won’t open up. Talking to him is impossible and in those terrifying few moments when you guys are alone, the awkward silences are deafening.

To be honest, there’s no dealing with Sean until he’s ready to let you in. He’s self protective and probably protective of your boyfriend. You’ll have to wait until you earn Sean’s trust that you’re not going to break his friend’s heart.

His Best Friend Barry

Barry and your boyfriend are best friends. He’s the one you’ll need to win over. Nothing puts the kiabosh on a relationship faster than the best friend hating your guts. Or vice versa. However, the world is not a perfect place.

Not everyone will get along but the important thing is that everyone is polite and cordial. And who knows, maybe one day you’ll all be one big happy family!

Surgery Love

Ashley Morgan — Wed, 06 Jan 2010 16:44:42 +0000

A few weeks ago, my boyfriend had 2 emergency surgeries to remove an infection in his back.

He also had his back muscles stretched and stitched around his spine. For the first two weeks of December he was bed ridden in the hospital, with multiple IVs coming out of his arms. His arms that would hold me when I was sick or needed comfort were now swollen and bruised from repeated needle stabs.

I thought the only good thing about this whole trial was his positivity. He refused to complain about the pain. He said the worst part about the ordeal was the hospital food.

The worst part for me was feeling so helpless.

That’s why I jumped at the opportunity to do something. When he was released from the hospital, I gave up my non-existent social life and high-tailed my heinie to his house to help with his recovery for a couple of weeks.

He’s doing better now. We can walk around the mall, go to the movies, and even make dinner for his family. He’ll be fine in about a month. And this whole thing will be behind us.

People always say that the bad times in life bring out the best in people. I didn’t have any doubt that I loved this man. But I doubted the longevity of our situation. I have little faith in long distance relationships.

Perhaps it’s my cynicism. I was born and raised in New York…cynicism is as ubiquitous as Starbucks franchises. Or maybe it’s from my experience with failed relationships.

Whatever the reason, I keep waiting for the day that we wake up and realize that this can’t work.

But now, after this, long distance feels like nothing. So we’re a couple of hours apart! We’re both happy and healthy. The only good thing wasn’t his positivity. The best part was that we could just be together.

So often we get caught up in the trivial parts of dating. What he gets you and where he takes you become more important than how he treats you. But now all that matters is the way he looks at me when we wake up in the morning.

And that look makes me realize that distance doesn’t matter.